A man goes to a bar with his dog. He goes up to the bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says "You can't bring that dog in here!" The guy, without missing a beat, says "This is my seeing-eye dog."
"Oh man, " the bartender says, "I'm sorry, here, the first one's on me." The man takes his drink and goes to a table near the door.
Another guy walks in the bar with a Chihuahua. The first guys sees him, stops him and says "You can't bring that dog in here unless you tell him it's a seeing-eye dog." The second man graciously thanks the first man and continues to the bar. He asks for a drink. The bartender says "Hey, you can't bring that dog in here!"
The second man replies "This is my seeing-eye dog." The bartender says, "No, I don't think so. They do not have Chiwauas as seeing-eye dogs." The man pauses for a half-second and replies "What?!?! They gave me a Chihuahua?!?"
Showing posts with label joke thursday. Show all posts
Showing posts with label joke thursday. Show all posts
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Thursday, May 5, 2011
5 things for the 5th day of the 5th month
1. Last night, I finished the book bag I have been working on for a few days now, and then, with the leftover fabric, finished a simpler book bag in 2 hours. I feel accomplished!
2. I still have one more sewing project I am hoping to get done before the weekend!
3. I haven't even started a book for this month (Unless you count the Amelia Bedelia trio I started and finished within an hour. I loved those books as a kid!), but I am excited to give The Thornbirds a shot, as well as Jossy Chacko's Madness.
4. I am truly excited to get to hang out with my gals this weekend. (Rachel, Merida, and Merida's sister: Amanda) We have so much fun together, and we have such great plans for the weekend, that I have been blurting to others about it like a child giving the Christmas countdown!
5. Lucky for me, the 5th day of the 5th month happens to be a Thursday, so I get to cheat and use a joke for my 5th thing!
The Joke
While attending a convention, three psychiatrists decide to take a
walk.
walk.
"People are always coming to us with their guilt and fears,"
one says, "but we have no one to go to with our own problems."
one says, "but we have no one to go to with our own problems."
"Since we're all professionals," another suggests, "why don't we hear each other out right now?" They agreed this is a good idea.
The first psychiatrist confesses, "I'm a compulsive shopper and deeply in debt, so I usually overbill my patients as often as I can."
The second admits, "I have a drug problem that's out of control, and I frequently pressure my patients into buying illegal drugs for me."
The third psychiatrist says, "I know it's wrong, but no matter how hard I try, I just can't keep a secret."
Happy 5th day of the 5th month, and happy Thursday.
Thanks for stopping by!
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Funny Thursday
This joke entertained me.
Know the Rules
A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.
The lawyer persists and explains that the game is really easy and a lot of fun. He explains" I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and vice-versa." Again, she politely declines and tries to get some sleep.
The lawyer, now somewhat agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500," figuring that since she is a blonde that he will easily win the match. This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.
The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches in to her purse, pulls out a five dollar bill and hands it to the lawyer. Now, it's the blonde's turn.
She asks the lawyer: "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?" The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. He taps into the Air phone with his modem and searches the Net and the Library of Congress.
Frustrated, he sends E-mails to all his coworkers and friends he knows. After over an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $500. The blonde politely takes the $500 and turns away to get back to sleep.
The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, so what IS the answer!?" Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and the turns to go back to sleep.
Know the Rules
A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.
The lawyer persists and explains that the game is really easy and a lot of fun. He explains" I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and vice-versa." Again, she politely declines and tries to get some sleep.
The lawyer, now somewhat agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500," figuring that since she is a blonde that he will easily win the match. This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.
The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches in to her purse, pulls out a five dollar bill and hands it to the lawyer. Now, it's the blonde's turn.
She asks the lawyer: "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?" The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. He taps into the Air phone with his modem and searches the Net and the Library of Congress.
Frustrated, he sends E-mails to all his coworkers and friends he knows. After over an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $500. The blonde politely takes the $500 and turns away to get back to sleep.
The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, so what IS the answer!?" Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and the turns to go back to sleep.
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Joke Thursday
Before we get to the joke, I want to share the laugh that Dad brought home yesterday. He works as an electrician, and so he gets to work in a variety of construction areas. Today, he brought home informational tags from the job site. It is a good thing someone thought of a system to clarify things. There are situations where clearly, there is no correct choice.
Now, onto the joke!
Teacher's gifts
It was at the end of the school year, and a kindergarten teacher was receiving gifts from her pupils.
The florist's son handed her a gift. She shook it, held it overhead, and said, "I bet I know what it is. Some flowers." "
That's right" the boy said, "but how did you know?"
"Oh, just a wild guess," she said.
The next pupil was the candy shop owner's daughter.
The teacher held her gift overhead, shook it, and said, "I bet I can guess what it is. A box of sweets."
"That's right, but how did you know?" asked the girl.
"Oh, just a wild guess," said the teacher.
The next gift was from the son of the liquor store owner. The teacher held the package overhead, but it was leaking. She touched a drop of the leakage with her finger and touched it to her tongue.
"Is it wine?" she asked.
"No," the boy replied, with some excitement.
The teacher repeated the process, taking a larger drop of the leakage to her tongue.
"Is it champagne?" she asked.
"No," the boy replied, with more excitement.
The teacher took one more taste before declaring, "I give up, what is it?"
With great glee, the boy replied, "It's a puppy!"
....
Have a good Thursday. May your Friday come swiftly and pleasantly, and may your weekend be long and luxurious.
EDIT: I wrote this blog Wednesday night and scheduled it to come up Thursday morning. I had no way of knowing that I would open Thursday's paper and find a coupon that needed to be added into this blog:
Okay, maybe I'm an easy giggle, but this definitely entertained me enough to go get my camera and then upload one more picture! Polga in Bakersfield... teehee. Let me know if you need the coupon.
Now, onto the joke!
Teacher's gifts
It was at the end of the school year, and a kindergarten teacher was receiving gifts from her pupils.
The florist's son handed her a gift. She shook it, held it overhead, and said, "I bet I know what it is. Some flowers." "
That's right" the boy said, "but how did you know?"
"Oh, just a wild guess," she said.
The next pupil was the candy shop owner's daughter.
The teacher held her gift overhead, shook it, and said, "I bet I can guess what it is. A box of sweets."
"That's right, but how did you know?" asked the girl.
"Oh, just a wild guess," said the teacher.
The next gift was from the son of the liquor store owner. The teacher held the package overhead, but it was leaking. She touched a drop of the leakage with her finger and touched it to her tongue.
"Is it wine?" she asked.
"No," the boy replied, with some excitement.
The teacher repeated the process, taking a larger drop of the leakage to her tongue.
"Is it champagne?" she asked.
"No," the boy replied, with more excitement.
The teacher took one more taste before declaring, "I give up, what is it?"
With great glee, the boy replied, "It's a puppy!"
....
Have a good Thursday. May your Friday come swiftly and pleasantly, and may your weekend be long and luxurious.
EDIT: I wrote this blog Wednesday night and scheduled it to come up Thursday morning. I had no way of knowing that I would open Thursday's paper and find a coupon that needed to be added into this blog:
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Nerdy Joke Thursday
This is a joke told to me in my World Religions class in college by a classmate after we had studied the term "ecumenical." It is admittedly nerdy, but I still get a kick out of it. Ecumenical is generally used to refer to working relationships or unity between churches, especially between denominations, though it can be used in a broader sense, like cooperation between entirely different religions.
The Conference in Florida
There was a conference held in Florida about different denominations working together. Spiritual leaders from all over the country gather in Florida.
A priest, a reverend, and a pastor found they had been assigned seats next to each other. They sat through the morning session together, taking notes, talking back and forth. By the time the conference took a break for lunch, the three leaders had realized that they were starting to enjoy each other's company, so at the priest's suggestion, they shared a taxi ride to a nearby restaurant, and had lunch together.
After lunch, they still had some time before the next conference session began, so they decided to take a walk around the area. As they walked along, much to their misfortune, none of them noticed a huge crocodile setting his sights on them. Without warning, the crocodile charged up on the bank and ate all three of them in one gulp. A day an a half later, the crocodile had an ecumenical movement.
The Conference in Florida
There was a conference held in Florida about different denominations working together. Spiritual leaders from all over the country gather in Florida.
A priest, a reverend, and a pastor found they had been assigned seats next to each other. They sat through the morning session together, taking notes, talking back and forth. By the time the conference took a break for lunch, the three leaders had realized that they were starting to enjoy each other's company, so at the priest's suggestion, they shared a taxi ride to a nearby restaurant, and had lunch together.
After lunch, they still had some time before the next conference session began, so they decided to take a walk around the area. As they walked along, much to their misfortune, none of them noticed a huge crocodile setting his sights on them. Without warning, the crocodile charged up on the bank and ate all three of them in one gulp. A day an a half later, the crocodile had an ecumenical movement.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Good Joke Thursday
So, I may have another blog coming shortly, maybe it will come today, or tomorrow, or the next. We'll see. I just don't have time to type it up at the moment, but as I sit here, heading out the door to my favorite appointment(acupuncture, hurrah!), I realized something almost awful: It's Thursday, and I haven't posted a joke yet. I know that's why you all come and read this blog. I probably just lost half my readers just for that mistake. (Which takes us down to.... carry the 3...subtract the 2... find a calculator.... let's see = 1...?) ;-)
So here it is:
The Vietnamese Choreboy
A groups of soldiers in the Vietnam War were always playing jokes on their Vietnamese hired servant. This boy was about 16 years old, and he always took the pranks in stride. The band of soldiers were shocked that a teenager could have such patience, so they decided to see how far they would have to go for him to finally explode. They dumped cold water on him in the middle of the night. They nailed his shoes to the floor. They sewed his pant legs closed. The pranks just kept getting worse, but each time, the boy just let it roll off him, as if he had not even noticed they were doing it. After a while, the soldiers began to feel bad. They felt so guilty that finally the called him to a meeting and apologized. "We were wrong, and you handled our pranks admirably, and we should have been more mature, but somehow you were. So, from now on, no more pranks. We'll treat you with love."
The boy was stunned at first, so they asked him if he understood. He asked, "No more water while sleeping?" And the assured him, no more water while sleeping. So he asked, "No more shoes nailed to the floor?" No more shoes nailed to the floor, "No more sewing pants closed?" No more sewing pants closed. "No more pranks ever?" No more pranks ever. The boy stood, nodded, straightened his hat, "Okay. No more spit in soup."
So here it is:
The Vietnamese Choreboy
A groups of soldiers in the Vietnam War were always playing jokes on their Vietnamese hired servant. This boy was about 16 years old, and he always took the pranks in stride. The band of soldiers were shocked that a teenager could have such patience, so they decided to see how far they would have to go for him to finally explode. They dumped cold water on him in the middle of the night. They nailed his shoes to the floor. They sewed his pant legs closed. The pranks just kept getting worse, but each time, the boy just let it roll off him, as if he had not even noticed they were doing it. After a while, the soldiers began to feel bad. They felt so guilty that finally the called him to a meeting and apologized. "We were wrong, and you handled our pranks admirably, and we should have been more mature, but somehow you were. So, from now on, no more pranks. We'll treat you with love."
The boy was stunned at first, so they asked him if he understood. He asked, "No more water while sleeping?" And the assured him, no more water while sleeping. So he asked, "No more shoes nailed to the floor?" No more shoes nailed to the floor, "No more sewing pants closed?" No more sewing pants closed. "No more pranks ever?" No more pranks ever. The boy stood, nodded, straightened his hat, "Okay. No more spit in soup."
Thursday, March 3, 2011
3 things for the 3rd day of the 3rd month
I am having a good week. This makes me have a good mood, too!
First thing: I finished my first book of the month. Usually, I am sweating it for the first half of the month as I work on the first book, the whole while of enjoying the book, there's a background thought of, "I've got to make sure I at least get this one finished to meet my goal!" And then after the first book in the month is finished, all the others are child's play. Usually the first book is finished around the 15th. This month, it's the 3rd. Take that, March! The book is Unshaken: Rising from the ruins of Haiti's Hotel Montana by Dan Woolley (with Jennifer Schuchmann). Dan Woolley had just walked into the lobby of the 5 story hotel when the earthquake hit. It took 3 seconds for the entire hotel to collapse. He made his way to an open elevator, which quickly became his refuge and his prison. He spent 65 hours under the Hotel Montana. The book covers his survival, but it also covers his spiritual battle. It addresses 2 kinds of darknesses: the darkness of being locked under 5 stories of hotel with no promise of rescue, and the darkness of clinical depression... and it is amazing how similar they are. Summing up, this was a great read! It flows well, and it draws you in. There was never any point where I bawled, or had to stop reading because of tears. Few books/movies ever manage to do that to me(cough cough Bridge to Terabithia cough cough), but there were definitely some moments where my eyelashes got wet. Mom has first dibs on reading my copy, but I'll gladly take requests after her...first come first serve!
Second thing: I'm still just so happy about finally getting a letter from Abigail this week! She is my monthly writer, and last month, I didn't get a letter! I was getting a little nervous. In reality, though, the gap in writing probably represents the period of time I got behind in my own writing to her some time in December. I didn't miss a month, but I definitely might have written at the beginning of November, and then again at the end of December. So my anxiety is fair payback for the anxiety I probably caused her. I asked Abigail a while ago how she managed to draw a computer so well. I was hoping to learn they had computer classes already at her project, or maybe at her school. She says there are no computers at school, and the only computer she knows is at the Compassion Office, which she sees occasionally. Apparently, it has her enchanted, because I have seen several drawings of computers show up on her letters to me(There was another one on this letter).
She was very excited to hear about Josh's (then)upcoming wedding, and asked for more information about it. She'll be happy to learn soon that I have already sent her not only information about the day, but photos! Abigail's prayer went out to Joshua this time. "Congratulations to Joshua. She pray that he will have a happy marriage." It is so good to hear from her again. Abigail is such a cheerful, thoughtful little spirit!
Third thing: As many of you know, I am working on the direction in my life. I had grand plans after college, and those plans shattered. The recovery portion that followed afterward has finally come to a point that allows for more than just sweeping up pieces and repairing that which is reparable, it is finally at a point of upward building. My back is finally heading towards working properly again, and all of the legal issues are rapidly dissipating. These are very liberating things! I have been doing a lot of praying lately, trying to determine where to go from here. I do not want to go into too many details, but I am finally starting to get a feeling of a possible forward motion. I went to an informational meeting on some possibilities last night, and it just feels so very right. I am excited at the prospect of not just trudging past failures, but leaping into new possibilities! How's that for being frustratingly vague? The point of the "third thing" being mentioned is that I am really excited just at the possibility, and I would really appreciate your prayers as I make my decisions that I would make my decisions based on wisdom and God's leading, and not succumb to making a decision simply out of eagerness to start a new adventure.
Those are my three things for today. As it is also Thursday, you get a joke or riddle of some sort. This one comes from my Mom. I had forgotten it until she posted it the other day, but I do remember that it was one of my favorites as a teenager!
The 13 year old, the pilot, and the smartest man in the world:
There were three people in an airplane. The pilot, a 13 year old boy, and the smartest man in the world. The smartest man in the world often reminded them of his status throughout the trip.
The plane started having engine problems, and they discovered that there were only two parachutes. They began to discuss who should use the parachutes, when the smartest man in the world grabbed a parachute and jumped.
The pilot, being the better man, then told the boy that he should take the second chute. But the boy was doubled over laughing. The boy responded, "That's okay! We will both take parachutes! The smartest man in the world just took my backpack!"
Have a nice Thursday!
-Caitlin
First thing: I finished my first book of the month. Usually, I am sweating it for the first half of the month as I work on the first book, the whole while of enjoying the book, there's a background thought of, "I've got to make sure I at least get this one finished to meet my goal!" And then after the first book in the month is finished, all the others are child's play. Usually the first book is finished around the 15th. This month, it's the 3rd. Take that, March! The book is Unshaken: Rising from the ruins of Haiti's Hotel Montana by Dan Woolley (with Jennifer Schuchmann). Dan Woolley had just walked into the lobby of the 5 story hotel when the earthquake hit. It took 3 seconds for the entire hotel to collapse. He made his way to an open elevator, which quickly became his refuge and his prison. He spent 65 hours under the Hotel Montana. The book covers his survival, but it also covers his spiritual battle. It addresses 2 kinds of darknesses: the darkness of being locked under 5 stories of hotel with no promise of rescue, and the darkness of clinical depression... and it is amazing how similar they are. Summing up, this was a great read! It flows well, and it draws you in. There was never any point where I bawled, or had to stop reading because of tears. Few books/movies ever manage to do that to me(cough cough Bridge to Terabithia cough cough), but there were definitely some moments where my eyelashes got wet. Mom has first dibs on reading my copy, but I'll gladly take requests after her...first come first serve!
Second thing: I'm still just so happy about finally getting a letter from Abigail this week! She is my monthly writer, and last month, I didn't get a letter! I was getting a little nervous. In reality, though, the gap in writing probably represents the period of time I got behind in my own writing to her some time in December. I didn't miss a month, but I definitely might have written at the beginning of November, and then again at the end of December. So my anxiety is fair payback for the anxiety I probably caused her. I asked Abigail a while ago how she managed to draw a computer so well. I was hoping to learn they had computer classes already at her project, or maybe at her school. She says there are no computers at school, and the only computer she knows is at the Compassion Office, which she sees occasionally. Apparently, it has her enchanted, because I have seen several drawings of computers show up on her letters to me(There was another one on this letter).
She was very excited to hear about Josh's (then)upcoming wedding, and asked for more information about it. She'll be happy to learn soon that I have already sent her not only information about the day, but photos! Abigail's prayer went out to Joshua this time. "Congratulations to Joshua. She pray that he will have a happy marriage." It is so good to hear from her again. Abigail is such a cheerful, thoughtful little spirit!
Third thing: As many of you know, I am working on the direction in my life. I had grand plans after college, and those plans shattered. The recovery portion that followed afterward has finally come to a point that allows for more than just sweeping up pieces and repairing that which is reparable, it is finally at a point of upward building. My back is finally heading towards working properly again, and all of the legal issues are rapidly dissipating. These are very liberating things! I have been doing a lot of praying lately, trying to determine where to go from here. I do not want to go into too many details, but I am finally starting to get a feeling of a possible forward motion. I went to an informational meeting on some possibilities last night, and it just feels so very right. I am excited at the prospect of not just trudging past failures, but leaping into new possibilities! How's that for being frustratingly vague? The point of the "third thing" being mentioned is that I am really excited just at the possibility, and I would really appreciate your prayers as I make my decisions that I would make my decisions based on wisdom and God's leading, and not succumb to making a decision simply out of eagerness to start a new adventure.
Those are my three things for today. As it is also Thursday, you get a joke or riddle of some sort. This one comes from my Mom. I had forgotten it until she posted it the other day, but I do remember that it was one of my favorites as a teenager!
The 13 year old, the pilot, and the smartest man in the world:
There were three people in an airplane. The pilot, a 13 year old boy, and the smartest man in the world. The smartest man in the world often reminded them of his status throughout the trip.
The plane started having engine problems, and they discovered that there were only two parachutes. They began to discuss who should use the parachutes, when the smartest man in the world grabbed a parachute and jumped.
The pilot, being the better man, then told the boy that he should take the second chute. But the boy was doubled over laughing. The boy responded, "That's okay! We will both take parachutes! The smartest man in the world just took my backpack!"
Have a nice Thursday!
-Caitlin
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Favorite Joke Thursday
We're all much too mature to tell them any more, but it has been so long, maybe we can start telling them again.
Okay, so I don't remember telling this one earlier than 14, but it tickled me for quite a few years.
The richest man in the world is getting old. He has no heirs. He decides to throw a party. When the guests all get there, packed in tight he takes the microphone and he announces to his guests that down in the garden of his mansion he has a swimming pool with two great white sharks in it. 'I will give anything they desire of mine, to the person who swims across that pool.'
So the party continues. Everyone is just standing around staring at the pool, until suddenly, there is a huge splash.
In the pool is a man and he is swimming as hard as he can, and the fins come out of the water and the jaws are snapping and this guy just keeps on going and the sharks are gaining on him and this guy reaches the end and he gets out of the pool, tired and soaked.
The millionaire grabs the microphone and says, 'I am a man of my word, anything of mine I will give, my Ferraris, my house, absolutely anything, for you are the bravest man I have ever seen. So sir what will it be?' the millionaire asks.
The guy grabs the microphone and says, 'Why don't we start with the name of the jerk that pushed me in!'
I hope it tickled your funny bone. Got a better one? E-mail it to me.
Okay, so I don't remember telling this one earlier than 14, but it tickled me for quite a few years.
The richest man in the world is getting old. He has no heirs. He decides to throw a party. When the guests all get there, packed in tight he takes the microphone and he announces to his guests that down in the garden of his mansion he has a swimming pool with two great white sharks in it. 'I will give anything they desire of mine, to the person who swims across that pool.'
So the party continues. Everyone is just standing around staring at the pool, until suddenly, there is a huge splash.
In the pool is a man and he is swimming as hard as he can, and the fins come out of the water and the jaws are snapping and this guy just keeps on going and the sharks are gaining on him and this guy reaches the end and he gets out of the pool, tired and soaked.
The millionaire grabs the microphone and says, 'I am a man of my word, anything of mine I will give, my Ferraris, my house, absolutely anything, for you are the bravest man I have ever seen. So sir what will it be?' the millionaire asks.
The guy grabs the microphone and says, 'Why don't we start with the name of the jerk that pushed me in!'
I hope it tickled your funny bone. Got a better one? E-mail it to me.
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