...Wait

 A while ago, I had put myself on a "wish list fast", because I had found that all of my prayers seemed to be little more than a grocery list for God to fulfill. What I needed was a stint of time where I didn't ask God to give me things and fix my life, but instead thanked him for what he was doing, and asked only for guidance.
Toward the end of last year, I felt that God had given me permission to try something new: "Ask, and then wait."

I have a tendency to request something from God and then go out and work myself into exasperation trying to attain it. I am a lot like Abraham's wife, Sarah. I find myself trying to help hurry God along in his promises.

So, on the corner of my blue dry erase board I wrote, "Dear God, I would really like a home please." I left it up on the corner for two months of nervous waiting.

Then God provided me with a trailer: an affordable, and generally nice, just right for me space.

Once moved into my trailer, living on my suddenly very small income, I came to a pressing realization: I needed a job. The possibilities looked very bleak.

God must have laughed. My dear, sweet, silly child... Wait.

He saw my need for reassurance, though, and he had compassion on my frail heart.

It had been stormy all week, and on the night before my birthday, I fantasized to myself, "I would really love it if the sun would shine for my birthday."

My birthday was beautifully shiny day. I grinned and thought it was a wonderful coincidence. Dear, sweet, silly child. Wait.

I thought to myself as I went about the morning, "I would really like to treat myself to frozen yogurt from Yogurtland." But the day got busy, and I didn't have time to stop.

I had to go to my parents' house, and on the way over, I stopped at the grocery store to pick up something for my mom. At the register there was a display of Hostess Cupcakes. Maybe you don't know this, but before I went gluten free, Hostess Cupcakes were my cigarettes...it was like a 3 pack a day habit. I lingered on the thought of, "What I wouldn't give for a Hostess Cupcake!" as I made my purchase.

Not more than 5 minutes later, I walked into my parents' house. Mom led me to the kitchen, where 18 home made, gluten free Hostess Cupcake mock-ups (complete with the white swirl of icing on top) were sitting on the counter waiting for me. They were excellent! I heard myself repeating, "I was just wishing for these!" What a crazy coincidence.

Dear, sweet, silly child. Wait.

Basking in the glory of my surprise, I got a call from my friend Laura. She asked if she could meet me, because she had a treat for me. She came to my parents' house.

Her gift? A bowl of Yogurtland frozen yogurt. She said apologetically, "I hope you like the flavors I chose, I sort of guessed." Laura happened to guess my two absolute favorite flavors: Red Velvet Cake Batter, and Rootbeer Float.

What a coincidence.  Silly child.

This story may seem pointless to you, but it was very special to me. I didn't realize the impact it would have on me as it was happening. The moments were just happy little events as they were happening.

As I drove home, pondering in the silence of the car, I felt God's knowing smile as all connected. I had three small wishes for my day. All three were things I could easily live without, but God coordinated them for me before I had even managed to desire them that day.

God cares enough for me to pull something special together, to give me a day where the frivolous, childish desires of my heart were fulfilled, not because I needed those things, but because He wanted to show me that he is into the details. I needed his reminder that he hears all the desires of my heart, the frivolous ones, too.

I felt like the card attached to the day said,

"Happy Birthday, dear one! I love you and you are very special to me. If you think that was great, wait until I get to the important stuff! Love, God."

I know that we spend our whole lives hearing about how God will provide for us, but like the Israelites in the desert, I tend to need a lot of reminding. This was enough. I still didn't have a job at the end of the day, and honestly, I didn't know how ends were going to meet, but the panic was gone. I was reassured that however it was going to happen, God is good at the details and He cares about my frail heart.

Less than a month later, a job came pounding on my front door, and when I tried to bolt the door, God was kind enough to place a friend there to throw the door open for me. The job fits my needs perfectly right now, and it showed up at just the right time (not a second sooner). The best part is, God's provision doesn't stop here. It doesn't stop at finding me a new home, or landing me a job.

In the long view of things, those details are insignificant, and I feel loved because God takes care of the insignificant things for me, too.

It is often hard for me trust God to give me what I feel is important. I fight and wear myself out trying to do His job for Him so he can give me what I want RIGHT NOW.

I really just need to remember to ask, stand back... and Wait.

Happy Birthday, Dad

Today, my dad is 50.

There is a lot that can be said about him.

I'll start with one of the most obvious: he is a horrible person to try to find a recent picture of. This is because he is constantly dodging the camera, insisting on being the one to take the picture, or he is moving (he never stops moving unless he is sleeping...and that's not really an attractive picture), or if he catches you focusing a camera on him, he gives you the "If you take that picture, I'll ground you for the rest of your life." glare(which fails more and more, as the majority of his kids have moved out).

Dad is 50 and I am 25. Weird.  What is even weirder for me is to think that 25 years ago, Dad was holding his 1 month old first born, thinking about what kind of parent he would be.

Well, 25 years later, let me tell you about the man who raised me.  He is the dad who started with nothing, and scratched out a living at every odd job available to provide for his family.  For the sake of his family, he did something that likely scared him into needing a change of pants: he went back to school.

He has provided an existence for his kids where they rarely knew they were lacking.  If he couldn't buy it at full price, he found it in a yard sale and then fixed it, or if that option wasn't available, he often made toys for us.  The toys he made were by far the best toys we have owned.

Deny it as he might, he is a mechanical genius.  He looks at something and understands how it works. If anything breaks, Dad can fix it.  One of the first phrases learned by the toddlers in our family was "Fik it, daddy."  And that rings true not only for dolls whose heads fell off, and action figures who no longer said their phrases, but it continues to ring true for heater cores in a certain vehicle that would have otherwise cost $800 to repair (twice), trucks that need new speakers and engine work, and more.

He took us on the adventures our hearts thrived for: sleeping on a bluff that turned island every time the tide rose, petting the galapagos tortoise at the zoo(if anybody asks, that never happened), deep sea fishing, swinging on the rope chair over the stream.

He drove us hard to match his work ethic when we were working with him.  We cursed him for it as teenagers, but learned quickly when we got into the working world that we were ahead of the curve. Because of dad, we tend to earn good reputations within our jobs. 

To work with Dad you must learn to be hungry. Dad sees no point in wasting the 15-30 minutes it would take to stop and eat lunch. He has offered to take me out to breakfast, and decided to make a quick stop at the apartments to look at something that needed a repair.  Each time we finished one thing, he would see another "small" job that needed to be done.  That day, we finally got breakfast at 6 pm.  Beware of the breakfast offer!

He loves a good pun....and a bad one.  He's a candy monger who loves to share (both his and yours).  He loves to scuba dive, especially if he can bring up lobster with him.  He and I share the same joy of standing the breeze and pretending we can fly. He loves to give presents, and is the hardest person ever to buy presents for.  He is insanely artistic, though he also denies this.

And this blog has reached a point in length that he would probably decide not the waste the time reading it, so I could technically start adding insults in and get away with it, but as today is his birthday, I won't.

Happy Birthday, Dad!

Love,
  -Caitlin