...Wait

 A while ago, I had put myself on a "wish list fast", because I had found that all of my prayers seemed to be little more than a grocery list for God to fulfill. What I needed was a stint of time where I didn't ask God to give me things and fix my life, but instead thanked him for what he was doing, and asked only for guidance.
Toward the end of last year, I felt that God had given me permission to try something new: "Ask, and then wait."

I have a tendency to request something from God and then go out and work myself into exasperation trying to attain it. I am a lot like Abraham's wife, Sarah. I find myself trying to help hurry God along in his promises.

So, on the corner of my blue dry erase board I wrote, "Dear God, I would really like a home please." I left it up on the corner for two months of nervous waiting.

Then God provided me with a trailer: an affordable, and generally nice, just right for me space.

Once moved into my trailer, living on my suddenly very small income, I came to a pressing realization: I needed a job. The possibilities looked very bleak.

God must have laughed. My dear, sweet, silly child... Wait.

He saw my need for reassurance, though, and he had compassion on my frail heart.

It had been stormy all week, and on the night before my birthday, I fantasized to myself, "I would really love it if the sun would shine for my birthday."

My birthday was beautifully shiny day. I grinned and thought it was a wonderful coincidence. Dear, sweet, silly child. Wait.

I thought to myself as I went about the morning, "I would really like to treat myself to frozen yogurt from Yogurtland." But the day got busy, and I didn't have time to stop.

I had to go to my parents' house, and on the way over, I stopped at the grocery store to pick up something for my mom. At the register there was a display of Hostess Cupcakes. Maybe you don't know this, but before I went gluten free, Hostess Cupcakes were my cigarettes...it was like a 3 pack a day habit. I lingered on the thought of, "What I wouldn't give for a Hostess Cupcake!" as I made my purchase.

Not more than 5 minutes later, I walked into my parents' house. Mom led me to the kitchen, where 18 home made, gluten free Hostess Cupcake mock-ups (complete with the white swirl of icing on top) were sitting on the counter waiting for me. They were excellent! I heard myself repeating, "I was just wishing for these!" What a crazy coincidence.

Dear, sweet, silly child. Wait.

Basking in the glory of my surprise, I got a call from my friend Laura. She asked if she could meet me, because she had a treat for me. She came to my parents' house.

Her gift? A bowl of Yogurtland frozen yogurt. She said apologetically, "I hope you like the flavors I chose, I sort of guessed." Laura happened to guess my two absolute favorite flavors: Red Velvet Cake Batter, and Rootbeer Float.

What a coincidence.  Silly child.

This story may seem pointless to you, but it was very special to me. I didn't realize the impact it would have on me as it was happening. The moments were just happy little events as they were happening.

As I drove home, pondering in the silence of the car, I felt God's knowing smile as all connected. I had three small wishes for my day. All three were things I could easily live without, but God coordinated them for me before I had even managed to desire them that day.

God cares enough for me to pull something special together, to give me a day where the frivolous, childish desires of my heart were fulfilled, not because I needed those things, but because He wanted to show me that he is into the details. I needed his reminder that he hears all the desires of my heart, the frivolous ones, too.

I felt like the card attached to the day said,

"Happy Birthday, dear one! I love you and you are very special to me. If you think that was great, wait until I get to the important stuff! Love, God."

I know that we spend our whole lives hearing about how God will provide for us, but like the Israelites in the desert, I tend to need a lot of reminding. This was enough. I still didn't have a job at the end of the day, and honestly, I didn't know how ends were going to meet, but the panic was gone. I was reassured that however it was going to happen, God is good at the details and He cares about my frail heart.

Less than a month later, a job came pounding on my front door, and when I tried to bolt the door, God was kind enough to place a friend there to throw the door open for me. The job fits my needs perfectly right now, and it showed up at just the right time (not a second sooner). The best part is, God's provision doesn't stop here. It doesn't stop at finding me a new home, or landing me a job.

In the long view of things, those details are insignificant, and I feel loved because God takes care of the insignificant things for me, too.

It is often hard for me trust God to give me what I feel is important. I fight and wear myself out trying to do His job for Him so he can give me what I want RIGHT NOW.

I really just need to remember to ask, stand back... and Wait.

Big, Tangible Dream

Have you ever read The Tale Of Despereaux by Kate DiCamillo? If you haven't then rush out, find a copy and read it. It's a really good story. I don't want to hear you whine about how it's a written for 4th and 5th graders, and you're much too grown up to be caught reading a childrens book. It's worth it.

Believe it or not, this post isn't actually about books. It's just that when I was thinking about typing this post, a passage from the book came to mind. There's a woebegone character in the book named Miggery Sow, and she has a truly awful story. She spends the entire book being told, "Nobody cares what you want, Mig!" She spends her entire story life waiting for someone to care about what she wants.

Human beings are driven to dream. It's more than just a lust to have or do more. People without dreams die. If we couldn't allow ourselves to ever dream, we couldn't allow ourselves to be loved by God.

The reason Miggery comes to mind was because I was thinking about something I want. Something I REALLY want. For some reason, this brought Miggery Sow to mind, and it occurred to me how awful it would be to have to live like Miggery Sow: a life where no one cares about your dreams, and should you ever dare to dream, you are punished, scoffed, and beaten rather than encouraged.
 
Personally, I have always been a rampant dreamer. Big dreams, little dreams, fickle dreams, heartfelt dreams, heart wrenching dreams, I entertain them all.

I have been fortunate to be allowed to live the opposite life of Miggery Sow. I have people in my life who listen to my dreams and say, "So, how are you going to get there?" and "You can do that." and "Let me help." You, blogfriend, are probably thinking of at least one person who has done this for you, too.

The hard part about writing this blog is that Miggery Sow's story is true. She's a million true stories. Not in the book. No, it's a fictional book. What I mean to say is, as I thought about my dreams, and then Miggery Sow,

I realized that there are so many people who live Miggery Sow's life: a life so harsh that nobody cares what they want, nobody encourages dreaming, and any dreaming that slips out gets squashed immediately.

Honestly, I had started this post to go in to depth about what I've been dreaming:

This is Magarette, nickname "Liline." She is 13, and I have been sponsoring her since she was 9. She lives in Haiti. Ever since the day I sponsored her, I have wanted to go to Haiti to meet her, and every year, the desire intensifies.

That's the big want I was going to blog about, but I think, now that it's written down, the better focus of this blog is on the people who don't get to spout their dreams freely.

 Liline dreams.

She has people encouraging her to do so(I know, I get to be one of them). Liline dreams about going to college and becoming a teacher. Liline dreams about her sponsor coming to meet her, and feeding her sponsor corn, and having her sister sing for her sponsor. Don't worry about Liline. She dreams well. Liline has parents who care. Liline has Compassion International. Liline has a sponsor who cares, too. Most importantly, Liline knows that God cares.

Part of the reason Liline can dream, though is because Compassion International works in her area. They work with her parents to help provide her with an education, and they spend time with Liline, encouraging her, daring her to dream, and prodding her to achieve those dreams.

It is a combined effort. Compassion weeds, tills and nourishes the dirt, plants the seeds, and then the sponsor gets to help by adding a little water. The sponsor gets to come along after the hard work is done and confirm what Compassion has been trying to get across by saying, "It's true: you are worthwhile. Your dreams do matter."

Liline is taken care of. Don't worry about her.

However, there are many children waiting for someone's encouragement to dream, and some of those children don't have parents who understand the need for encouragement or the importance of dreams, because they have never been allowed dreams for themselves. And then some of those children don't have parents.

People need to be able to dream, because if they can't dream, then they can't come anywhere near imagining that there is a God who loves them, who cares about their dreams. Who sacrificed himself for them.



I don't want this to sound like a sales pitch. I hate those. Sales pitches are followed by buyer's remorse. I don't want that to happen here.

I just want to ask you:

Would you like to help grow a dreamer?

Because if you do, Compassion International is a great way to do it.

All it takes is $38 dollars a month, and some ink on paper.

The money helps pay for Compassion's work with the children, and if you really want to encourage a child to dream then a write letter every month or so (the ink on paper) to the child.

The letters are where the real growth happens, because if you write those letters, then every time that child is told in some way,

"You are worthless. Nobody cares about your hopes!"

that child has a letter in his pocket from his sponsor that says, "Don't listen to those lies. I care. You are valuable. Tell me about your dreams. You can do it."

It doesn't seem like it requires much for such a big promise, does it?



If Miggery Sow had a sponsor, her story might have turned out differently. Some one could have told her, "Your dreams are tangible! Keep dreaming!"



Miggery Sow is a fictional character.






But these kids aren't fictional, and neither are their dreams.






Thanks for reading.

Literacy Conclusion

Here's a post that is far overdue! I have failed in reporting to those of you who are curious, but I did not fail in my personal literacy challenge. This blog should have been written in December, however, in December I was moving and could not locate the books I had read. Actually, I still can't locate all of those books I read. I missed several months of reporting near the end of the year (Apparently, September- December... no big deal, just a quarter of the year), and honestly, I am struggling to remember all of the books I read during the last 3 months of the year. The reason? I was in school. School that happens in 8 week spurts. School that requires at least a chapter of textbook reading a week.

I know that in September I read The Golden Compass by Phillip Pullman, Song Yet Sung by James McBride, Small Steps by Louis Sachar, and No Quick Fix by Keith Phillips. Sometime in October through December, I also read Helpless by Barbara Gowdy, The Mirror Crack'd From Side to Side by Agatha Christie, and at least 2 other books that I cannot remember no matter how I try.

The Golden Compass- Not really my cup of tea. This surprised me, but there it is. It drew me in, and then made me hang around and wait a really long time for it to end. It was dark. It had some interesting religious elements in it that did not bother me, but I would warn parents of preteens and early teens to be aware of before handing to their young readers. Would I suggest it to someone else? Not really. It wasn't poorly written, I just didn't enjoy it.

Song Yet Sung- A story about a runaway slave, slave hunters, and their surrounding world. The slave continually receives visions of modern day America throughout the book, and it baffles and terrifies her. I really enjoyed this book. It's one of those books that I gulped down fast because I couldn't get enough of it, and when it was done, I lamented not savoring it better. Would I recommend this book? Yes!

Small Steps- This book is a follow up book to Holes, but it really has little do with Holes content. It follows Theodore (Armpit) after he gets out of Camp Greenlake. Theodore works hard to turn over a new leaf, and grows an elderly brother fondness for the neighbor girl, who is often picked on because she is physically disabled. It was an interesting book, a sweet, teenagery story, and I enjoyed it, but it is entirely outside of the genre I expected it to be. Would I suggest this book? Yes, but it's not one that I would suggest someone rush out and find it to read it right now.

No Quick Fix is a collection of stories put together to share the reasoning of Dr. Phillips' approach to ministering to the inner-city. It was an informative read, and even interesting. If you are interested in the working of the inner-city and effective forms of ministry within it, pick this one up: yes.

Helpless- This book is about a young Canadian girl who gets kidnapped. It is told from multiple sides, including the kidnapper's side. The kidnapper is a man with pedophilic tendencies (something I had not known when I started the book) who is determined not to act on them. I curse the book for drawing me in, because honestly, it gave me the creeps. It was not poorly written (definitely not), it was just really disturbing (though never graphic). The disturbing factor was not because of physical activities, but mental activities. To put it plainly, I don't want to be able to think like the book leads you to think. Would I suggest this book? No! It disturbed me too much!

The Mirror Crack'd from Side to Side- this is the first Agatha Christie I have ever finished (not the first one I have started, though). I have never been an appreciator of mystery novels. Recently, however, I seem to have turned over a partially new leaf. I really enjoyed this book, and look forward to picking up another Agatha Christie sometime. Yes, I would suggest this book.

Wow, this is a really long post.... I feel like it needs photos. I have no photos at the moment.

As for the Literacy Challenge, in it's entirety, I enjoyed it. There were a few months where I was very stressed in trying to pull off my personal reading, but I succeeded every time. Most months, I succeeded in reading multiple books.

The grand total of fun books for 2011 is........28!

As I think back over the year, my favorite reads were: Song Yet Sung, Parrot and Olivier in America, Unshaken, and Beezuz and Ramona.

As for 2012, I haven't continued the Literacy Challenge, simply because life has been so very busy. Honestly, I miss it. I miss being immersed in literature of all levels. I have a book I have been casually reading. It's huge. Who knows how long it will take me to finish it.

2012 aside, I'm pretty proud of Literacy Challenge, 2011. Would I suggest it? Yes.

Home, content, and tired.

I realize I have let this blog fall dormant for a while. For those of you who are wondering, I did succeed in my literacy challenge every month last year, even though I have yet to post the last 2 or 3 months of updates.

Moving into my trailer was a sudden, and all consuming flurry of activity. Things are finally settling down a little in that area. They are about to speed up in other areas, but it's nice to be able to retreat to a settled home.

The reason it took so long for an announcement about the trailer has to do with the flurry of activity, as well as I just could not settle on the words that seemed fitting. (That is also the reason you finally got a post of all photos). Maybe later, I will come up with words about it.

I'm in two classes this semester, and even though the classes are only two days a week, they seem to be able to consume the rest of the week as well. I forgot how much fortitude and endurance it required to be a student. I remember why I worked so hard to graduate.

So, here it is, a note to evidence my actual existence. I aim to do better in being more regular in blogging, but we shall see.

Thanks for checking up on me. I'll have more for you soon.

No place...

 

A blog about bovine...

My friend has been feeling under the weather lately. Because of this, I have been helping her around the place. Imagine my surprise one morning when I walked out to the chicken yard and found this making a salad bar of the fruit trees in the backyard:

His name is Sammy. He is our neighbor's young long-horn. As it turns out, those horns are great for thrusting into the branches of fruit trees and thrashing branches down.

He had also made an extensive visit to our meager pile of alfalfa hay, making it quite a bit scarcer than it had been the day before. Sammy is no fiend, however, because where ever he went, he left a pie in gratitude for his samplings.

Now, I'm no stranger to farm animals, but I have to admit, my experience has not been in handling meat animals. Horses, dairy animals, chickens, they are all familiar with some sort of working relationship with the person who feeds them. The larger animals learn to be handled, to be led, the smaller ones learn not to be stepped on. I have found that I like this relationship style.

Now, this is where the real problem appeared: getting the large fellow back to his proper pasture.


I decided to try the most obvious approach. I grabbed one of the nearby horse leads, looped it around his head, and cinched it at his neck, and with all the confidence I could feign, I turned and marched towards the pasture...for two feet, where I was stopped by the unbudging steer behind me.

I looked at him. His big moist eyes looked back at me, cast a glance towards the apricot tree, and then slowly returned to me. The meaning was unmistakable, "You're kidding me, right? Leave this dessert bar to return to weeds? Hmm... No."

 

Clearly, this boy had developed a sweet tooth, so the next thing that occurred to me was to take advantage of it. I grabbed a scoop of molasses mash from the horse shed and attempted to coax him back through the gate. After the first nibble he follow a few, painstakingly slow steps. I had made the mistake all the greats make though: Never underestimate your adversary. Apparently, bovine possess the basic mathematical abilities necessary to estimate proportions and understand basic size comparisons. He took a meditative gaze at the two fruit trees, and then a calculating hesitation on my small bowl of mash. 2 trees > 1 handful of grain, and off he went to return to his new found love.

So, I took my own meditative moment and recalled how my friends at the fairgrounds managed their meat animals, and then, remembering multiple techniques, I proceeded to commit consecutive failures. I got behind him (outside of leg length) and made forceful sounding "HetHaHup!" shouts, clapping my hands, stomping my feet and making big, herding motions. He responded with a pitying glance over his shoulder and continued his plans. I slapped his rump. He flicked his tail. I tugged on his ear and tried several different commands. He shook my hand off like a fly that tickled him. I took a hold of his horn and attempted to lead him back to his pen. He sighed, and I could almost swear I caught him rolling his eyes at me.  I made horse noises at him, I called him mean names, I called him nice names, but nothing I did even earned his focused attention. Finally, as I leaned against the fence, exasperated and pondering, my eyes fell on the hose.

And then I tried a little experiment. As it turns out, while Sammy will tolerate a slap on the rump, a tug on the ear, insults to his personal existence as well as to the cow that bore him, Sammy absolutely cannot tolerate cold showers.

There is something guiltily funny in seeing a longhorn skip hastily back to his pasture with all the scurry of a startled rabbit. Especially if said longhorn just spent the last 30 minutes unbudgingly outside of his pen.

And this was one of those random things that happen in my unusually boring life.

I have now learned that grabbing a bull by the horns is not always as effective as ambling after him with a hose full spray ahead.

Thanks for reading.

Eleven things for the Eleventh day of the Eleventh month (of the Eleventh year)

1. Last month, I had the Ten things for the Tenth day of the Tenth month ready...and forgot to publish it. Oops.

2. Happy Veterans day. Seems like a strange phrase to say for this sort of holiday. Thanks to my friends, relatives, and strangers who hjave and are serving to protect my home.

3. I get to go to Magic Mountain with my family tomorrow. No roller coasters for me, but I get to go along and enjoy the fun that is my family at a theme park, and take pictures...and hold bags while they ride. Maybe this time I should bring a stroller.

4. It is really murky outside! It looks like Bakersfield tried to be a snow globe, but then at the last minute, forgot that we don't do snow...so it used dirt instead. Ew. Valley fever, anybody?

5. I am 3 weeks into my first class towards teaching credentials, which, somehow means that I am 2/3 of the way through my textbook. I am a stinking reading machine! The class is linguistics: teaching readings/writing, and ESL students.  It's actually a lot of fun.

6. I finally got my new car last month...but then, you've probably already read that blog, so you know. (I'm only up to six things... urg)

7. My friend gave me an orchid. It's really pretty. I forgot it at her house. Right now, my orchid is really pretty at her house. It will probably stay prettier that way.

8. I got a letter from my sweet Abigail in Ghana this week. She got promoted from P3 to P4(grades) this year, she's so clever! She started P1 at age 8, and here she is, 2 years later, all the way up to P4.

9. Somehow, whenever I get to the day number that matches the month number, I always manage to have a blog I was planning to post that day...so I feel like it has a tendency to double up, even if my blog has lain fallow all that time before that day.

10. I am really enjoying following some other people's blogs right now. First, my current favorite is by JD, the woman who has taken a gift package to my Abigail, and my parent's Emmanuel in Ghana. She is currently in Ghana right now. At this very moment, she is off the grid, because she is working at Lake Volta to free child slaves. How great is that?! So, there are no blogs being posted for a few days, but there will be, and she has quite a few blogs posted up until she had to go off the grid a few days ago that are worth reading., You can read JD's blog here.

The second blog, is actually multiple blogs. It is a Compassion Blogging trip. Compassion takes popular bloggers to a country they serve and lets the bloggers dig through records, see where the children live, see what the families have to deal with, and see what Compassion is doing in their communities. It is really great to read, and it is great to see Compassion International's dedication to integrity. You can follow their current blogging trip in Ecuador, as well as past blogging trips here. So, if you were looking for some easily accessible good reading, I have just provided you with HOURS worth.

11. I can't think of much else to share without making it a life story, so I'm just going to share soemthing else I've been appreciating: Johnny Cash.  Specifically a recent song, which is a cover of Nine Inch Nails song Hurt.

And those, blogfriends, are my 11 things for the 11th day of the 11th month (of the 11th year).  Thanks for reading, even though I disappear for long spurts sometimes!