Lessons Learned So Far: Teaching-Year 2, Entry 1

1. You're never fully dressed without a smile.........Unless they are seriously in trouble.  If you're always good humored and smiling, then the moment the straight face appears, the fear sets in. Very handy.

2. Don't judge books by covers: Some of your most fantastic textbooks will have gum and poorly rendered drawings of things that the book wasn't originally intended to teach. Some kids present as excellent students, and yet will do no homework, pay very little attention, flunk tests, and put gum in your books. Some students will look like they're in an open-eyed coma, and come out super genius whenever their names get pulled, test scores come back, and homework gets turned in.

3. Never trust the schedule. Never. Not for one minute. Never. Never. Never.

4. No matter how thoroughly you have thought through a plan or system, until you test it on people, you will still never get all the kinks thought out ahead of time.

5. Teaching students sitting in desks is a very different process than teaching students seated at lab tables.

6. It's visibly filthier to have carpet flooring than linoleum.

7. The Promethean board is awesome.

8. Apparently, you can have too many student aides. Never would have dreamed it.

9. 8th graders can break marbles, even at table level. Seriously, it happened.

10. Someone will always attempt to steal the lab equipment. I don't know why, because we only use cheap lab materials. Hopefully, it'll be one of the broken items.

11. When purchasing a skateboard, buy one with metal axles, not plastic. 8th grades can break those, too.

12. 8th graders are capable of more than they let on. They are capable of more than they understand. They are capable of achieving high goals, if they are given the careful framework to get them there, and you refuse to ever doubt your expectations.

13. Whether they have to take the CST or the SBAC- at the end of the year, they still have to know science and how to think. That's a big enough task to worry about.

14. OneDirection is not as cool anymore. This makes using tricks from last year's slides work less. Darn pop culture.

15. Matter of fact works way better than frustration when dealing with discipline moments.

16. Crack down on unwanted behaviors fast.

17. Don't over help. If they need a pencil, remind them that they know where the borrow pencils are. Don't get it for them. Or else they'll just wait for you to do it next time, too.

18. You're part of their transition to adulthood, make sure you're an effective part. Junior high is the beginning of child to adult mutation. They have to learn about appropriate behavior in the work environment. It starts with junior high teachers, if we insist on it.

19. Put a line in the hallway and expect students to be in it before they enter the classroom. Their brains work soooooo much better that way.

20. Require the first five minutes of class to be silent work, and then go to the mat for the silence. It's amazing how much the behavior and focus improves if they have to practice containing themselves for 5 minutes every day (Also, they get their homework copied down much faster).

21. Simple rubrics are the most wonderful things in the world. Make some. Make them broad enough that they apply to multiple assignments, but narrow enough that when someone wants to argue the grade, there is a rule sheet to reference. Teach them how to rubric themselves. Show them to the parents. Quality, performance, attitude and metacognition improve. Arguments, excuses, and grading time decrease.

22. Teaching is more than informational. Teaching requires to see individuals. Teaching requires knowing when to reach out and offer help, and when to allow problems to resolve themselves. Teaching is knowing when to do a student a favor, and when to do them a favor by not doing them a favor. It requires knowing where to draw the lines. Knowing which student needs nothing more than a fist bump and nod in the hallway, and which one needs to hear, "Are you okay?" Teaching is figuring out what each individual defines as respecting them as people. Teaching is hard.

23. The moment you call the tech guy in is the moment the projector will get jostled by a careless kid and magically start working. If you're lucky. Otherwise, the tech guy will actually make there, jostle it himself, and then look at you quizzically, as if you didn't try every useful and useless trick in the book first.

24. Sticky notes are like 20 dollar bills. It's handy to have a stack of them, and they disappear fast.

25. If you like your prep, remember, next year you could easily get moved from 7th period prep to 4th period.

26. Fourth period prep makes for an optimum restroom break.

27. Dang...

28. Love your librarian. You don't realize how valuable she is until she disappears for a few weeks.

29. The food shack across the street sells large fountain drinks with the "good ice" for a dollar. Pepsi products!

30. The second year is leaps and bounds better than the first.

31. BTSA's main reason for existing is to suck the life out of the minimal amount of free time you have.

32. Science fair. It's a love hate relationship. You have to drive the students into their projects by using pitchforks and torches, and then the students chase you down during every single one of your spare moments to talk about the projects non-stop, asking questions you've already given them notes on(and they usually forget to remind you which project they're working on, which can make listening very interesting), but they weren't listening to the directions at that time because they hadn't picked a project yet. But then... they are talking to a teacher about science, during which time they ask questions, and there's a spark in their eyes that says "Sometimes science is really fun!"...and then you think: I love science fair...even though it tries to eat me alive.

33. Don't let that one kid who loves to waste time use the pencil sharpener. Especially if he is also borrowing your pencil. Enough said.

34. The second year can still be really difficult and overwhelming at times.

35. Instruction for English Learners changes severely when their Native language is not Spanish.

36. Sometimes, when school is out, you have to learn to step back and say: No...today I am not a teacher. I am not spending the whole day grading things, or working something out on the computer for Monday. Today I am going for a walk, taking a nap, doing my Bible study, hanging with friends...any thing but teacher stuff.

37. Sometimes you still have to be a teacher, and sometimes you talk above mentioned friends in to grading things with you.

38. When you plan a lab, carefully set it up, plan out all the steps, decide how to divide the students, decide how much of the lab you will guide and how much they will, decide what they will write on their papers, what they will turn in, buy all of the materials necessary, plus extras. That way, on lab day, while you are sitting under a table during a surprise earthquake drill during half a period, you can sit and think about preparation. And you'll wonder why you forget that drills always seem to coincide with lab days...

Darkness

Friendly warning: This post deals with darker emotions. Proceed at your own risk.

It’s like my whole chest has been bound in iron, and no matter how many deep breaths I take, something deep inside me is still asphyxiating. It’s like I’m being held under water, and no matter how hard I kick, how much my lungs burn and muscles ache, I can’t reach the surface; I don’t die, but I’m getting too tired to keep thrashing. It’s like everyone else’s soul is a burlap sack, sometimes empty, and sometimes filled with butterflies, and mine is filled with wet sand. It takes all my energy to get me and my bag of sand moving, let alone participate in life. Even when I get my soul off the ground, I can only pretend to be able to carry it for a short time before collapsing again. It’s as if everything but my brain has been given anesthetic, and all my brain can seem to process are my damages and failures, my insufficiencies. It’s knowing I have important things to do, but being unable to break myself away from staring into nothingness long enough to prevent myself from ruining my own life. It’s the despair of knowing I am ruining my own life. It’s having the desperate need to shriek uncontrollably, and lacking the strength to do so. It’s finding out that even when I muster up the courage and strength to scream, it doesn’t make the feeling go away. It’s feeling like I am rotting from the inside out. And, drawing from an illustration made in Unshaken, it’s feeling as if I’m trapped in a dark elevator shaft alone under the rubble of a collapsed hotel, and knowing that 

no one can come to rescue me.

 It’s all of those things, and then the understanding that these feelings aren’t changing…perhaps they will never end.

So, I try to fake it. I can’t imagine a way to express those feelings, I can’t bear the thought of dealing with people after trying to share those feelings, I don’t want to burden someone I love with my darkness. I force smiles, and avoid eye contact. I deflect questions with distracting humor, or redirecting questions, or flippant responses. I make myself insanely busy. I have moments where I hide in a quiet place. I find secret, harmful ways to deal with the darkness alone.

Depression.

I hate talking about it. I hate admitting to having struggled with it. I hate the stigma the very word carries. I hate how flippantly it is used. I hate how people try to use it interchangeably with trivial words, like “sad,” “disappointed” and “blue.”

Depression is not sadness. It’s not a mood. It’s engulfing, raging, oppressive darkness. It’s sneaky.

People who struggle with depression can often feel like they are the only broken ones. People who bear this omnipresent darkness usually keep it a secret.

I am relieved to say that I am not currently dealing with it myself, but I remember how it felt. I remember feeling like I was the only one who knew this darkness. I also remember well intentioned people mistaking it for the blues, encouraging me to “just cheer up, tomorrow will be a better day.” I remember knowing a despairing feeling as I thought about the fact that tomorrow would not likely be a better day after all: it would likely be the same kind of day that every day has been for the past several months. I remember only partially enjoying the “up moments” in that period of time, because I had learned from pattern that they would only crash down again, and the darkness would hurt more after having almost felt normal for a few hours. I remember feeling like a ghost while being with my friends or family, watching them have a good time, and only being able to watch, not feel it.

Mostly, however, I remember feeling alone. And irreparable. And crazy. Why couldn’t I just buck up? Why couldn’t I conjured enough faith, pray hard enough, repent loudly enough for the darkness to go away?

That’s particularly something Christians have to struggle against. There are many within the faith who would like to point the finger at the faith of the sufferer, shake their heads at the need for psychology, or anti-depressants. Christians who need these things get convinced they should feel ashamed of their lesser faith.

But Jesus knew the feeling. “Eli, Eli, lema sabachthani?” I know I have not been crucified, or felt the burden of all of humanity’s sin upon me, but I also know that I have heard my soul cry out a similar phrase. “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Why are you so far from saving me, from the words of my groaning? O my God, I cry by day, but you do not answer, and by night, but I find no rest.” (Psalm 22:1-2) Jesus felt a deeper darkness than I ever have. Part of me believes that these phrases were recorded for us: the ones who brush against an inner darkness for a long extent of time, sometimes repeatedly throughout life, the ones who feel isolated by this darkness.

It is ridiculous that anyone can think that people who struggle with depression are of a weaker faith. It takes an enormous faith to dwell in a dark and lonely place for so long and still maintain a belief in a god who is still worth following--to believe in a God who loves you, when you cannot fathom loving yourself. The kind of faith that can stand to “be still and know” through that kind of inner death is the same kind of faith that walks on water. Read through the Bible. Look at the prophets and heroes of faith. A high percentage of them battled with the inner darkness as well. It’s right there, right smack dab in the middle of their amazing life stories. I don’t think it is a coincidence that so many people God used in great ways also struggled with depression.

I have never been more secure in the fact that my God is a great and powerful God than when I had nothing but paralyzing emptiness. That knowledge remains with me even after the darkness faded. 

That’s right: it fades. One way or another, we survive. Sometimes-No-Usually, we need help to survive, whether it is family support, medical support, psychological support, or all of it, and there is no shame in any of it, no matter what some self appointed authorities on faith might say. No matter what that accusing voice in the back of my own mind says.

And after the darkness fades, I am aware that it could come back someday, and I need to be prepared to deal with it again, but I also know that I survived it. There is a certain level of strength that comes from that knowledge. It’s a strength that I never knew before.

I have already confided in you that I hate bringing this topic up in public. So, why, you may ask, did I write such a long confession?  Two reasons. 

One: Perhaps if people who have never experienced the darkness read the brief summary of how the darkness feels, they will be less likely to make themselves a part of the burden for those in the midst of darkness.

Two: People who are in the midst of darkness or may someday be in the midst of it need to know that darkness is not forever. Perhaps if people who have made it through darkness talked about it while they are on the upside of the battle, then people who struggle with it will feel less alone…less crazy, more able to talk about it with someone they can trust. People who are asphyxiating no matter how deeply they breathe need to know. They need to know that it’s not shameful. It does not have to be fatal. 

If you have felt the darkness, are feeling it now, or have family members who deal with it (because it is genetic), you need to know: You are not a burden. You are carrying a burden, but that burden, that darkness, is not who you are. Don’t bear it alone. 

It’s okay to looked a trusted person in the eye and respond, “Broken.” When they ask, “How are you feeling today?” It’s okay to ask someone to hold your hand in the midst of the darkness. 

You would be surprised how many people have brushed against that darkness, too.

Fallen Short

"for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God"

(Romans 3:23)

Almost everyone recognizes this verse. We teach it to our toddlers. Those of us who have grown up in the church, AWANAs, Sunday School, VBS... we know it by heart.

The teacher in me needs to step out of this indoctrination for a moment and ask a question. Does anyone see anything wrong with this quotation? Yes, Jimmy? That's right: it's not a complete sentence! There is no capital letter, which means there is something that comes before it, and there is no punctuation, which means that there is something that comes after it.

I challenge you, quick, before you grab your Bibles or skip on over to Biblegateway.com, what is the whole idea that this excerpt has been chopped out of the middle of? Don't know off of the top of your head? I didn't either. However, when I was assigned to look up 3:23 and read it, just 23, seeing it in the middle of a paragraph bothered me... so I read the whole thing.

Ladies and gentleman, a paragraph from Romans 3:

¹⁹ Now we know that whatever the law says, it says to those who are under the law, that every mouth may be stopped, and all the world may become guilty before God. ²⁰ Therefore by the deeds of the law no flesh will be justified in His sight, for by the law is the knowledge of sin.

²¹ But now the righteousness of God apart from the law is revealed, being witnessed by the Law and the Prophets, ²² even the righteousness of God, through faith in Jesus Christ, to all and on all who believe. For there is no difference; ²³ for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, ²⁴ being justified freely by His grace through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus, ²⁵ whom God set forth as a propitiation by His blood, through faith, to demonstrate His righteousness, because in His forbearance God had passed over the sins that were previously committed, ²⁶   to demonstrate at the present time His righteousness, that He might be just and the justifier of the one who has faith in Jesus.²⁷ Where is boasting then? It is excluded. By what law? Of works? No, but by the law of faith. ²⁸ Therefore we conclude that a man is justified by faith apart from the deeds of the law.

Now, I understand that the whole paragraph is awfully big for a toddler to memorize, but isn't "All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God" awfully heavy? Especially without the good part of the story? We don't let our kids go to movies with scary scenes, but they can memorize "All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." and then follow it up with, "For the wages of sin is death;" (Romans 6:23a) (Yet another verse with suspicious punctuation warning all that we shortened because it was too big, and in turn made it too heavy by cutting out the wordy redemption part. In this one, we didn't just clip a verse out of a paragraph, we clipped a phrase out of a verse!) 

I remember not liking those verses for as long as I have memorized them. I still sigh and roll my eyes as I hear them being taught to the new generation of guilt ridden followers. They only made me feel dirty, shameful. What a horrible use of the Bible. In their entirety, they were supposed to make me feel blessed and treasured.

As adults, we mentally clip scriptures regularly as often as our subconscious feels the need to beat us down. We bask in our failures and forget the parts that glorify God's overcoming them. We need to be focusing on the whole story to be able to battle when our subconscious starts clipping the good parts out. After all, since when did any story lover stop in the middle of the chaos and trial portion of the book, and decide to move on to something else? Never. We cling to the story until the redemption, the rescue, the victory comes through.

We need the whole story.

Romans 6: 21-23 

 What benefit did you reap at that time from the things you are now ashamed of? Those things result in death!  But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves of God, the benefit you reap leads to holiness, and the result is eternal life.  For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Romans 3:22-23

This righteousness is given through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference between Jew and Gentile, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.  

Because we are all too aware of our sins and falling short. We know without needing to be told that we carry death within us. What we really need to memorize, carry with us, be reminded of regularly is the rest of the story.

"but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord."

"all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus. "

As for toddlers memorizing things, if they are not mature enough to handle the size of: "For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." or all of Romans 3:22-23, then maybe we ought to reconsider whether they are mature enough to handle the weight of, "for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God" and "For the wages of sin is death"

It scares us, because rule followers are easier to raise and control, but I truly believe that in a room of adults, we'd rather be locked in with the grace believers than the rule followers. Maybe grace is what needs to be drilled in from toddlerhood, rather than fear and insufficiency.

Because what is the point of learning about death and failure, if we do not learn about life, grace, and the glory of God?

If we do not learn both parts, then by clipping verses and redemption ideas apart, this is an area in which we have truly fallen short for both ourselves and our toddlers.