A man goes to a bar with his dog. He goes up to the bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says "You can't bring that dog in here!" The guy, without missing a beat, says "This is my seeing-eye dog."
"Oh man, " the bartender says, "I'm sorry, here, the first one's on me." The man takes his drink and goes to a table near the door.
Another guy walks in the bar with a Chihuahua. The first guys sees him, stops him and says "You can't bring that dog in here unless you tell him it's a seeing-eye dog." The second man graciously thanks the first man and continues to the bar. He asks for a drink. The bartender says "Hey, you can't bring that dog in here!"
The second man replies "This is my seeing-eye dog." The bartender says, "No, I don't think so. They do not have Chiwauas as seeing-eye dogs." The man pauses for a half-second and replies "What?!?! They gave me a Chihuahua?!?"
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
The monsters behind the closet door.
Monsters in closets are silly. There is a 99.6% chance that there are no monsters in that closet, however, that 0.4% probability still worries me. For the most part, I am talking about figurative closets and figurative monsters. I do not generally approach my own real closet with caution. Mostly, I just fling it open, rummage through my clothes, and wonder where my favorite shirt went.
Those closets of possibility, however, might hold all sorts of scary monsters. If I open those doors just a crack, Failure might shred into me, slashing straight across my heart. If not Failure, then Unknown will surely wrap its tentacles around me, engulfing me before I can scream. Ineptitude may lash out and break my legs. No-Undo might just latch his fingers around my ankles and jerk me deep into a place from which I may never return, never be able to go back and stare fearfully at the doors of this particular closet, never again get the option not to open those doors.
I have a tendency to stand, paralyzed, in front of these doors, reaching forward slowly, before jerking back and shuddering. I know that I have a good possibility of opening the doors and finding success, that I was sufficiently prepared and able to learn what I need to overcome such monsters, and that the Unknown is often a shy, but harmless beast. I may find that I have no desire to undo a decision, or that making a decision, even if it has poor results, is better than gaping at a door of possibilities, trembling and making up excuses to not open the door. The small chance that there really is a full grown Failure in that closet, or that I may have to exchange the small comfort of knowing every grain in that closet door for the intimidating, shapeless Unknown, is enough to keep me standing there. There I stand, memorizing the grain, imagining growling noises, and likely, losing my favorite shirt to the hungry, but probably harmless Unknown while I delay.
It is admittedly stupid. I miss out on so many opportunities, losing so many shirts, by trying to out wait the monsters, or hoping that the closet disintegrates on its own so I don't have to make the decision. I see it. I recognize the other monster for what it is: Cowardice. The problem is, this one isn't in the closet with the opportunity. Cowardice is outside the closet, leaning into my heart, whispering horrible word pictures into my ear, and running chills through my gut. It sneaks up and masquerades as caution and common sense, but oversteps its bounds. At first, it seemed like a good compromise, but I am beginning to realize it is a foolish choice. Standing still promises that Failure will find me anyway. I would rather face Failure than idle with Cowardice any longer.
I may not be ready to fling open those closet doors and leap full speed at Failure, but I may be ready to quietly slide the doors open, grab a hold of some monster treats, and a good whack-um stick, poke my way into that closet, and find out what is in store. If the risk of Failure didn't exist, success would be unimpressive, and if nothing was scary, bravery would be a flippant word. I have been staring at closed doors for far too long. It's time to get my whack'um stick.
Those closets of possibility, however, might hold all sorts of scary monsters. If I open those doors just a crack, Failure might shred into me, slashing straight across my heart. If not Failure, then Unknown will surely wrap its tentacles around me, engulfing me before I can scream. Ineptitude may lash out and break my legs. No-Undo might just latch his fingers around my ankles and jerk me deep into a place from which I may never return, never be able to go back and stare fearfully at the doors of this particular closet, never again get the option not to open those doors.
I have a tendency to stand, paralyzed, in front of these doors, reaching forward slowly, before jerking back and shuddering. I know that I have a good possibility of opening the doors and finding success, that I was sufficiently prepared and able to learn what I need to overcome such monsters, and that the Unknown is often a shy, but harmless beast. I may find that I have no desire to undo a decision, or that making a decision, even if it has poor results, is better than gaping at a door of possibilities, trembling and making up excuses to not open the door. The small chance that there really is a full grown Failure in that closet, or that I may have to exchange the small comfort of knowing every grain in that closet door for the intimidating, shapeless Unknown, is enough to keep me standing there. There I stand, memorizing the grain, imagining growling noises, and likely, losing my favorite shirt to the hungry, but probably harmless Unknown while I delay.
It is admittedly stupid. I miss out on so many opportunities, losing so many shirts, by trying to out wait the monsters, or hoping that the closet disintegrates on its own so I don't have to make the decision. I see it. I recognize the other monster for what it is: Cowardice. The problem is, this one isn't in the closet with the opportunity. Cowardice is outside the closet, leaning into my heart, whispering horrible word pictures into my ear, and running chills through my gut. It sneaks up and masquerades as caution and common sense, but oversteps its bounds. At first, it seemed like a good compromise, but I am beginning to realize it is a foolish choice. Standing still promises that Failure will find me anyway. I would rather face Failure than idle with Cowardice any longer.
I may not be ready to fling open those closet doors and leap full speed at Failure, but I may be ready to quietly slide the doors open, grab a hold of some monster treats, and a good whack-um stick, poke my way into that closet, and find out what is in store. If the risk of Failure didn't exist, success would be unimpressive, and if nothing was scary, bravery would be a flippant word. I have been staring at closed doors for far too long. It's time to get my whack'um stick.
Monday, June 6, 2011
6 things for the 6th day of the 6th month...
First thing: I nearly missed this month's N things for the Nth day of the Nth month! But then, you all knew that before I did, didn't you?
Second thing: I have been really tired lately, which is why you may have noticed the blogs running dry, but I'll try to keep up better this month.
Third thing: My baby sister is turning 18 this month. Isn't that weird?
Fourth thing: I am excited about going to the VBS meeting tomorrow, because it means summer will officially feel like it is starting, even if the weather decides not to recognize it. I will be manning the 1st-3rd grade memory verse station for my second year, and it's a beach theme. I haven't decided what exactly I'm going to do with those games yet. Plus, at the meeting tomorrow, I will get to see all sorts of people from church that I haven't seen in a while.
Fifth thing: I saw Kung Fu Panda II in 3-D yesterday, and though I would not say it was enthralling, or excellent, or even great, it was most definitely better than the first one (I was amazed at how "blah" the first Kung Fu Panda movie was... so that is not a huge compliment from me, but it is a compliment).
Sixth thing: Lately, my mind feels overwhelmed with a whirlpool. There are so many things I want to do, change, or further, and so many options in getting there...and a lot of those options intimidate me. Please, feel free to pray for me in that aspect, as this month sort of has become my "critical moment" month, where if I don't make decisions and actions now, I'm automatically making default decisions for the long run, and quite frankly, I find it unnerving.
And those, blogfriends, are my 6 things for the 6th day of the 6th month.
Second thing: I have been really tired lately, which is why you may have noticed the blogs running dry, but I'll try to keep up better this month.
Third thing: My baby sister is turning 18 this month. Isn't that weird?
Fourth thing: I am excited about going to the VBS meeting tomorrow, because it means summer will officially feel like it is starting, even if the weather decides not to recognize it. I will be manning the 1st-3rd grade memory verse station for my second year, and it's a beach theme. I haven't decided what exactly I'm going to do with those games yet. Plus, at the meeting tomorrow, I will get to see all sorts of people from church that I haven't seen in a while.
Fifth thing: I saw Kung Fu Panda II in 3-D yesterday, and though I would not say it was enthralling, or excellent, or even great, it was most definitely better than the first one (I was amazed at how "blah" the first Kung Fu Panda movie was... so that is not a huge compliment from me, but it is a compliment).
Sixth thing: Lately, my mind feels overwhelmed with a whirlpool. There are so many things I want to do, change, or further, and so many options in getting there...and a lot of those options intimidate me. Please, feel free to pray for me in that aspect, as this month sort of has become my "critical moment" month, where if I don't make decisions and actions now, I'm automatically making default decisions for the long run, and quite frankly, I find it unnerving.
And those, blogfriends, are my 6 things for the 6th day of the 6th month.
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