I understand that there are so many legitimate marital battles that I am fortunate not to have to overcome, due to the fact that I am single. In fact, I'm that obstinately single person who occasionally likes to gloat about it to my married friends. Even without my stating it though, I sometimes see a married person look longingly upon my single status and recall "the single good ol' days" when they didn't have to struggle with compromises, or what real love looks like; when they had never spontaneously burst into a seemingly random, knock down, tear down arguments over minor things that hold convoluted major meanings to one or both of the parties.
I love the lack of complication my marital status brings to my life. I cherish the ability to be entirely inconsiderate of others in my decisions about home, dreams, time, and finances. I try to be polite, and socially acceptable about it, but if we're being honest: I am that annoyingly satisfied, perpetually single person.
Would you like to know what can drive this annoyingly single person mad with jealousy?
❥ Next time we're hanging out, answer that phone call at work from your spouse, who is calling from the grocery store, wondering if you need anything picked up while he is there. Or wondering if you would like him to just pick something for dinner up on the way home from work tonight.
❥ In conversation, tell the story about the disaster of the burst pipe that left the both of you knee deep in water, and bailing, sopping, squeegee-ing for dear life together. Get into the obscene details about how one you was dialing for help, while the other ran outside to find the shut-off valve. Be cruel, and explain that only one person of this partnership is missing some work today to wait for the plumber to show up during work hours.
❥ Or, your spouse could be sick sometime, and you could mention needing to drop by the store to pick up medicine and soup on the way home. Make sure you do so in that nonchalant tone that says while you would really rather go straight home, you don't mind doing this, because you know the act will be reciprocated when you catch the very same cold next week.
❥ Have a bad day at work, and come home to someone who is legally obligated to listen to your rant for at least a few minutes, and will likely at least pretend to sympathize with you.
❥Work for 14 hours every day for multiple days in a row, and come home to the fridge still, somehow, magically having edible food in it.
❥ Go on some stupid, boring road trip(like that doctor's visit in Santa Maria), where you take turns driving, having someone to share meals with along the way, argue over music choices, and end up with a couple of entertaining adventures shared out of the blasted thing.
❥Come home to clean, unfolded laundry on the couch. A big, huge pile of laundry that may actually irritate you, because it's eating the couch alive, and was seemingly left for you to fold. Laundry that, when last you thought about it, was dirty.
❥Forget to mail a bill in, only to later learn that your spouse noticed it on the counter and did it for you.
You see, I have noticed that many "til-death-do-us-part roommates" hit a point of frustration occasionally. They get into the marriage, and then start feeling like they are having to do more than their fair share, or that the spouse is not living up to promises, spoken or assumed. And then, holidays like Valentine's day and anniversaries push them into that dark, bitter place...because it's not all that they had dreamed. Maybe they are muttering to themselves how much easier it would have been to stay single. It's true, marriage is a lot of work, and I am in no way belittling those feelings and causes of resentment that can crop up in a marriage.
I am not saying sweep the issues under the rug and pretend to be Hallmark happily-ever-after, but I am saying that there are some parts that are really nice.
Whatever side of the marital status check boxes you are on, the other side always has some pretty attractive offers. What I want to point out to all of those married sorts in my life is this: sometimes you're really lucky to have that other person.
Maybe you have forgotten. Or maybe you married before really hitting the level of adult life that happens once the "fun and fancy-free" version of grown-up doesn't really work anymore. When you're a single adult, everything is up to you. When someone in you relationship forgets to pay a bill: it was you. When someone in your relationship needs to pick up medicine and food because someone in your relationship is so sick they just don't have the energy to do either, but needs both in order to feel better, both of those someones are you, and the job may or may not actually happen. When you need to make a decision between seemingly similar options that you know could have unknown, extremely crucial effects on your future, you only have your gut to go on. When someone lets the house turn to a complete, unkempt disaster, the person you have to be mad at for falling down on the job is-you guessed it-you! I love my life, however I admit: I live two basic categories of life(home and career) with all of my heart and energy to achieve fantastic levels of mediocrity in both. Both arenas demand tons of energy and thought, and often, getting things accomplished looks very similar to a triage at a disaster site. I am not saying these things to garner pity, just to point out those little things that have great value.
Valentines, maybe your other half really is falling down on the job. Maybe they are only doing 2 out of the 200 things they are supposed to be doing in their half of shared life. Maybe your expectations are set too high, and the list should only be 100. Either way, they are there. Doing 2 things. 2 things that you would have had to do yourself if they weren't there. And if this year is one of those bitter valentines years for you, maybe take a moment to appreciate those little things that you roommate-for-life does that you don't have to.
While I take the day to enjoy the fantastic feeling of being completely without obligations on this Hallmark holiday, I challenge the couples to take a moment to revel in those simple, almost unnoticeable things that make the annoyingly happy single person jealous of your non-singleness.
I love the lack of complication my marital status brings to my life. I cherish the ability to be entirely inconsiderate of others in my decisions about home, dreams, time, and finances. I try to be polite, and socially acceptable about it, but if we're being honest: I am that annoyingly satisfied, perpetually single person.
Would you like to know what can drive this annoyingly single person mad with jealousy?
❥ Next time we're hanging out, answer that phone call at work from your spouse, who is calling from the grocery store, wondering if you need anything picked up while he is there. Or wondering if you would like him to just pick something for dinner up on the way home from work tonight.
❥ In conversation, tell the story about the disaster of the burst pipe that left the both of you knee deep in water, and bailing, sopping, squeegee-ing for dear life together. Get into the obscene details about how one you was dialing for help, while the other ran outside to find the shut-off valve. Be cruel, and explain that only one person of this partnership is missing some work today to wait for the plumber to show up during work hours.
❥ Or, your spouse could be sick sometime, and you could mention needing to drop by the store to pick up medicine and soup on the way home. Make sure you do so in that nonchalant tone that says while you would really rather go straight home, you don't mind doing this, because you know the act will be reciprocated when you catch the very same cold next week.
❥ Have a bad day at work, and come home to someone who is legally obligated to listen to your rant for at least a few minutes, and will likely at least pretend to sympathize with you.
❥Work for 14 hours every day for multiple days in a row, and come home to the fridge still, somehow, magically having edible food in it.
❥ Go on some stupid, boring road trip(like that doctor's visit in Santa Maria), where you take turns driving, having someone to share meals with along the way, argue over music choices, and end up with a couple of entertaining adventures shared out of the blasted thing.
❥Come home to clean, unfolded laundry on the couch. A big, huge pile of laundry that may actually irritate you, because it's eating the couch alive, and was seemingly left for you to fold. Laundry that, when last you thought about it, was dirty.
❥Forget to mail a bill in, only to later learn that your spouse noticed it on the counter and did it for you.
You see, I have noticed that many "til-death-do-us-part roommates" hit a point of frustration occasionally. They get into the marriage, and then start feeling like they are having to do more than their fair share, or that the spouse is not living up to promises, spoken or assumed. And then, holidays like Valentine's day and anniversaries push them into that dark, bitter place...because it's not all that they had dreamed. Maybe they are muttering to themselves how much easier it would have been to stay single. It's true, marriage is a lot of work, and I am in no way belittling those feelings and causes of resentment that can crop up in a marriage.
I am not saying sweep the issues under the rug and pretend to be Hallmark happily-ever-after, but I am saying that there are some parts that are really nice.
Whatever side of the marital status check boxes you are on, the other side always has some pretty attractive offers. What I want to point out to all of those married sorts in my life is this: sometimes you're really lucky to have that other person.
Maybe you have forgotten. Or maybe you married before really hitting the level of adult life that happens once the "fun and fancy-free" version of grown-up doesn't really work anymore. When you're a single adult, everything is up to you. When someone in you relationship forgets to pay a bill: it was you. When someone in your relationship needs to pick up medicine and food because someone in your relationship is so sick they just don't have the energy to do either, but needs both in order to feel better, both of those someones are you, and the job may or may not actually happen. When you need to make a decision between seemingly similar options that you know could have unknown, extremely crucial effects on your future, you only have your gut to go on. When someone lets the house turn to a complete, unkempt disaster, the person you have to be mad at for falling down on the job is-you guessed it-you! I love my life, however I admit: I live two basic categories of life(home and career) with all of my heart and energy to achieve fantastic levels of mediocrity in both. Both arenas demand tons of energy and thought, and often, getting things accomplished looks very similar to a triage at a disaster site. I am not saying these things to garner pity, just to point out those little things that have great value.
Valentines, maybe your other half really is falling down on the job. Maybe they are only doing 2 out of the 200 things they are supposed to be doing in their half of shared life. Maybe your expectations are set too high, and the list should only be 100. Either way, they are there. Doing 2 things. 2 things that you would have had to do yourself if they weren't there. And if this year is one of those bitter valentines years for you, maybe take a moment to appreciate those little things that you roommate-for-life does that you don't have to.
While I take the day to enjoy the fantastic feeling of being completely without obligations on this Hallmark holiday, I challenge the couples to take a moment to revel in those simple, almost unnoticeable things that make the annoyingly happy single person jealous of your non-singleness.
